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Shmuley and Rick in a Public Discussion
Public Discussion between Rabbi Shmuley and Rick Sanchez regarding his firing from CNN after ...
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- 01/17/11
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Shmuley and Rick in a Public Discussion
Shmuley and Rick in a Public Discussion
Public Discussion between Rabbi Shmuley and Rick Sanchez regarding his firing from CNN after comments made that were seen as offensive to the Jewish Community… The discussion takes place at the Carlebach Shul In NYC…
Click title to download! - 01/04/11
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Raising Spiritual Children
Raising Spiritual Children
Discussion between Rabbi Shmuley, rev. Charles Gilmore, and Felicia Stoler at West Side Presbyterian Church in Englewood, NJ.
Click title to download! - 12/06/10
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Larchmony NY Female Depression and its Cure
Larchmony NY Female Depression and its Cure
Lecture in Larchmont NY
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Sunday, June 22, 2008
Children and Competition
“Children and Competition”
Capitalism is
the source of America’s great bounty and success. It is also the
source of so many of our personal insecurities.
Capitalism
explains the great dichotomy of American living:
On one hand, we are the most prosperous society of all
time.
But, then
again, competition can be fun. It can be exciting to win. It’s
great to go home with a gold medal, knowing you are “the best”
at something. But deep down, for the winners and the losers,
competition exploits human insecurity:
Competition makes you
feel like you have to prove yourself not intrinsically (based on
your gifts), but you have to prove yourself in comparison to
others.
As a result, it gives us no peace - we feel like
we have to keep up with the Joneses.
Competition affects kids in different ways. Some
parents believe that it makes their kids more disciplined and more
focused.
When you’re put in a hyper-competitive environment, you
feel like you’re always being measured and made to feel not good
enough.
His two sons are national chess champions, they have
tennis tutors and golf tutors.
His wife fears that their two sons will become
insecure young men, not confident in who they are, but constantly
competing.
It can be exhausting for kids when they’re always
fighting to prove themselves.
There are two kinds of ambition - all of life
comes down to “1s and 0s.”
FIRST KIND - 0’s believe “I’m a nothing.” This type of person believes that only when you win top prize can you become a something - become President, get into Harvard, etc. This is ambition based on the idea of deficiency, emptiness - believing that external things (the school, the job, etc.) will make you feel worthy.
SECOND KIND - “1s” believe “I was born with real potential.” They work not to prove themselves but to maximize their potential.
I have never
tried to make my kids very competitive. I’d rather my kids
live in a nice, middle-class background, have real joy and
satisfaction, and be good, decent, honest people.
Above all, I
want my kids to have stability.
- Don’t forget - as parents, you have a choice! You should try to choose stability, happiness, joy, and purpose for your kids over “winning” or being “the best.”
- Don’t be so quick to criticize your children. If your kid makes a drawing and it’s not very good, what do you say? You should never lie to your kid, but tell them that it’s a beautiful picture even if you don’t think it is. The picture is beautiful, you just don’t see it.
- Our role as parents is to offer our kids unconditional love at all times! Children should feel unconditionally worthy.
- Teach your kids to be humble in victory. Teach your kids about humility. That is part of being a great “winner,” to honor your competitors and keep your win in perspective. (Like how tennis players always shake hands after a match, even at Wimbledon!)
Today’s Shmuleyism:
Excessive competitiveness in children fosters
insecurity and teaches a child that only champions are special. What
children need to hear is the opposite. He or she is unique based on
the gifts they have to offer rather than on their ability to
outperform their peers. Their friends are not their competitors but
their companions. We dare not ultimately see other people as rivals
but as members of the same team.
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Comments
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