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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Divorce and Its Impact on Children - Jon & Kate Plus 8

So now the world knows that Jon and Kate Gosselin are not only separated but have formally filed for divorce. TLC has put the show on hiatus for a month for the viewers to get used to the new Jon and Kate, which involves 2 single parents raising their kids. What’s really upsetting is how benign our reaction to the announcement of this divorce has been. I’m not now looking at the causes of the divorce—whether reality TV exacerbated it, or created it, or helped to foster it from its inception, I’m looking at the divorce itself. I’m a child of divorce and the idea that divorce doesn’t affect kids is a lie, a terrible lie, which is parroted in our society because of how commonplace it has become. Divorce leaves children feeling angry, confused, bitter, and puts them into the unnatural state of becoming caregivers to their parents while their parents are busy nourishing their own wounds.  I have spent my whole life trying to heal the scars from my parents’ divorce, and even I was not 5 years old at the time, the age of these sextuplets.

Just think about this: 8 young children, 6 of them 5 years old, being subject to being yo-yos throughout their childhood as they go from their mothers’ care to their fathers’ care, being introduced to all kinds of new strangers who their parents date. I’m not blaming the parents or trying to make parents who are divorced feel guilty; I’m simply asking how there could be almost no reaction to this announcement other than our own purient celebrity interests? Guys, wake up. People’s lives are not fodder for entertainment and if adults want to make their lives fodder for entertainment, that’s their business but to insist that upon their children is very unfair. If the Jon and Kate show is to continue without the 2 of them being together, then I would strongly advise the TLC network that part of the show should include working with these kids to help them adjust to the new reality of their parents’ separation and divorce. At least let the show be something positive for the kids and positive for all American families. It should minimize the harm divorce does to children.

Dictated and unchecked by Rabbi Shmuley.

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