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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

In-Laws

The Rabbi Shmuley Show on Oprah and Friends Radio
“In-Laws”
Original Air Date: April 24, 2008

When I got married my wife did me the great honor of calling my parents Mom and Dad. I tried, but could not reciprocate. I knew her parents well before we married. I had already called them by first names. Now, I just wait for them to look in my direction and we start speaking. But I wish I could overcome the discomfort and call them Mom and Dad for respect’s sake.

Relationships with in-laws are always fraught with some discomfort. After all, we already have parents, and suddenly get a new set. You feel like you’re betraying your own parents by behaving like a son or daughter to a new set.

In addition, there are many pitfalls if the in-laws don’t like you after you marry. They may feel like you are not good enough for your daughter or son. They may feel like you’ve stolen their son or daughter. They may want to control your life, and you overreact to assert your independence.

My in-laws wanted me to live in Australia near them. So I chose the furthest point on the globe away from them- UK. Just kidding. I love them, but needed my independence. On the other hand, mu parents love my wife a lot more than they like me.

Tricks to master in-laws:

  • Always show respect to your in-laws. They are your spouse’s parent. Disrespecting them is like disrespecting your spouse.
  • Honor them, even if you don’t feel affectionate toward them. You can’t always control your emotions, but you can always conrol your actions.
  • Never accuse your spouse of being just like their parents. It’s a low blow and invites the same accusation in reverse. And you’re insulting your spouse’s family unnecessarily.
  • If you have issues, discuss with your in-laws. Don’t hold it in. But don’t have a fight, either. Never lose control on their presence. They’ll hold it against you.
  • Teach your kids to honor their grandparents. your in-laws will always appreciate it, and it will endear you to them.
  • Always be respectful, and try to be affectionate as well.

In laws:
Give your married children space. Don’t try and control them. Don’t try and tether them to the family, By all means, make them part of the family, but don’t force it.


Today’s Shmuleyism
“Your in-laws are your spouse’s parents.
You must therefore always honor them, even if you don’t feel affection
toward them. While you can’t always control your emotions, you can always control your actions.”

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