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Sunday, June 28, 2009
Master of an Empty Kingdom: The Tragically Short Life of Michael Jackson
I did not expect to be as saddened by the death of Michael Jackson as
I turned out to be. Not that I am cold-hearted, but I lived in the
constant dread that his death was imminent. When I was close with
Michael, there were just too many times that he walked out of a room
with a doctor, after complaining that his foot or back or neck hurt
him, all lightheaded and woozy. There was no way that a body could
survive so regular an assault. So after begging him to give up the
poison and failing, I steeled myself against the inevitable by feeling
angry and disillusioned. Was Michael not the man who had squandered so
many blessings? Was he not the friend who, after I had invested two
years of my life into helping him rehabilitate his, treated me as if I
were a nuisance because I dared to push him to fix his shattered
existence? I would overcome my feelings of pity with a spirit of
defiance. No, I will not cry. He hadn’t earned it.
But then the news came that he had died. And I was devastated.
Especially when I saw my children’s tears. Michael was accused of
pedophilia. But my children and his children were playmates. Yes, I
made sure to supervise. But the children did not see him as a monster.
Michael brought cartoon videos for his kids and my kids to watch. We
sat in my living room on Thanksgiving laughing and joking. And the
children missed him.
Once, when my son Mendy was eight years old he accompanied Michael and
me to a kosher restaurant in Manhattan. Mendy tried to order. The
waiter focused on the adults. Mendy felt ignored. He kept on repeating
his order. Michael heard him. He interrupted the waiter. ‘Excuse me,
but this child is trying to order. Can you please listen to him?’ It
was not something you’d expect from a superstar. They were supposed to
be utterly self-absorbed, right?
And then there was the incident with my children fighting with the
children of another family on the school bus. Michael heard about it.
My eldest daughter felt bullied. Michael sprang into action. Enter the
peacemaker. He called me, and over several days he planned a peace
parley in earnest. Everything down to the name tags of the children.
No detail was too miniscule. Kids should not fight. Adults were the
corrupt ones. He wanted to see harmony among kids. And while he put
hours into planning the summit (which never went ahead because the
other family pulled out) he was supposed to be working on his album,
Invincible. No matter. It would wait. Ending altercations between
school children took precedence.
I did not think I would cry when Michael died. It was only when I went
back and listened to the many hours of taped conversations that
Michael and I conducted so that I would write a book that peered into
his soul. Hearing his voice, hearing him say, in his long drawn out
way, ‘Shmmmuuuulleeeey,’ That did it. The tears flowed. Yes, I was
angry at him. Truly. He threw away his life. He had lived recklessly
and orphaned his children. He had medicated away the afflictions of
the soul as if they were ailments of the body until his body could no
longer tolerate the abuse. He had squandered all of G-d’s blessings.
But he touched me nonetheless. He made me softer and gentler. He was
highly imperfect and was perhaps guilty of serious, terrible sins for
which there might not be any forgiveness. But G-d, was he tortured.
And that is no excuse. Because you dare not visit your pain on an
innocent party. But did that cancel out the good he tried to inspire
in others?
He used to watch me tell my children I loved them. He did not approve.
‘Shmuley, when you tell your children you luuuvve them, you have to
look in their eyes. They have to know that you mean it. You have to
focus only on them. You can’t tell them and look somewhere else.” And
ever since then, I peer in their eyes.
After we had given our lecture at Oxford together, I was waiting at
Heathrow to travel back to the US. Michael was staying on in London.
He called me on my cell phone. ‘Shmuuullleeey. Did I tell you I love
you?’ ‘Yes Michael, you’ve told me many times.’ ‘But I mean it. I love
you.’ ‘I love you too, Michael. You’re a dear friend.’ I hung up. I
thought he was too sentimental. But I left the conversation with red
eyes. How did he find it so easy to tell people he loved them?
So with all this beauty in your soul, Michael, now that you’re in
heaven, I have to ask you. Why? Why aren’t you still here? Why did you
screw up your life? Why could you find no happiness without a
painkiller? Why did you orphan those beautiful children you loved so
much? How could you promise that you would never be alone with kids
ever again, only to be arrested a second time on charges of
molestation? How could you betray what we tried so hard to build? Why?
Why?
I didn’t want to feel for him. I wanted to be angry. I never wanted to
forgive him. He had everything, but he acted as though he had nothing.
He reveled in feeling he was a victim. And even so, there was
something very special about him. A superstar who could sit so humbly
at Shabbat table and make others feel important. A very busy father
who all but refused to travel anywhere without his children. And I’m
left with forever vacillating between feelings of pity and feelings of
disappointment. Feelings of affection and feelings of fury.
And amid that storm of emotions, still I miss him. Amid the darkness
that eventually consumed him, still I remember that he once shone with
a special measure of light.
G-d, I miss you Michael. I always believed that one day we would
reconcile. That one day you would call me up and tell me that you
regretted not heeding the simple advice to get your life together.
That we would have Shabbat dinner together again and our kids would
play as friends and we would all laugh. Alas, all we have left is the
image. The dark, tragic, sad image. Of the King of Pop. The master of
an empty Kingdom.
Rest in peace, Michael. Perhaps in heaven you will find the acceptance
that you never quite found here on earth.
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is the author of the as yet unpublished
manuscript, “Inside the Soul of Michael Jackson.” http://www.shmuley.com
Share
Comments
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Sunday, June 28, 2009
cherylnj81
Thanks this was a very touching post. I was a big fan of your show and so I really value your account of your times with Michael Jackson.
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Monday, June 29, 2009
crary1
It’s to bad Michael could not of stayed on the right track after the time that you had spent with him. Spending Shabbat dinner with Michael must be an everlasting memory in you mind. Sounds like to me he had a very humble heart at one time & it slipped away at the end. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly… leave the rest to G-d. Shalom
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Monday, June 29, 2009
katherineO
One day a man decides that he is going to change. He embarks upon a journey in search of higher consciousness, enlightenment, and revelation. In the middle of his travels, he concedes, “It is by far better to remain in darkness, for the light of truth, burns me from within.”
My thoughts and prayers go out to all those he loved.
Thank you so much Rabbi. -
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Marta Guerra
Dear Shmuley,
Thank you for the clarity and chilling intimacy of your article.
Although not being very attentive to Michaels work, I felt the news of his death left most of us assaulted with surprise (after all, don’t most of us look less healthy?).
Then the news came of him being over-medicated as to explain his poor physical condition. But this also came as a surprise for what more could this man ask for? and could make him be hurt or depressed about ? (after all, don’t most of us appear less fortunate?)
This article sheds light on both his grace and his hurts in a way that people who surrounded him arent willing or capable of to sharing.Although I can understand your feelings of fury or disapointment, I believe they are misplaced. Addiction, as well as cancer or depression, is a form of disease (and some addictions actually have a genetical inheritance).
You would not be furious or disappointed at someone whose body cannot fight cancer, nor would you be at someone who is unable to fight depression or other neurological disorders.Unfortunately, the behaviour of addiction is painfully like living as a ghost: in utter disrespect for ones body, usually living in decadent surroundings and not having enough room within to even receive the concern of relatives and friends. That explains some of the behaviours you mention.
Best regards,
Marta -
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
caliah
Marta,
It is a popular point of view that addictions become something like a disease. But all drugs do is postpone reality as it truly is. Essentially then we accept a lie (by postponing action) about our current circumstances and then present a lie to the rest of the world. The reality may be such that some people in Jacksons circle (and I am not accusing Shmuley of this - I know nothing about him) were in it for what could be had at that moment and refused to do enough to come between MJ and drugs.
BE THAT AS IT MAY, it is not ever okay to send kids and teens the message through this particular media case that it becomes okay to medicate oneself if someone makes you uncomfortable or unhappy. Or even if one just has the resources to do so. That is not amounting to a disease, that is a delusion. And when we seek to seriously help other people we cannot EVEN THINK to join them in their unreal world.
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Thursday, July 02, 2009
Marta Guerra
Dear Caliah,
Addiction is considered a subject of study and practice as a mental disorder for both Psychiatry and Psychology.
Labeling it as a disease sends no message that it is okay to do drugs to escape reality. Just as labeling Anorexia as an eating disorder, is not saying that it is okay stop eating so you can accept yourself. If anything it gives us a red flag and that we are entitled to medical help before we become an emergency case of overdose or organ failure for some other medical field.
I am sorry but I cannot exactly find a match between the remaining of your response to what I wrote initially.
This article by Shmuley is probably the best display of Michaels humanity, unlike most of the media about him.
I usually find most of Michaels interviews & etc. unsettling (to say the least) because of his public persona looking so cutoff and at the same time so invested in being an interesting character. I find that delusion of that portrait disturbing let alone the delusion of drugs.Best regards,
MartaFor reference on this subject, please consider:
http://www.merck.com/mmpe/sec15.html
http://publications.cpa-apc.org/media.php?mid=369 -
Thursday, July 02, 2009
caliah
Thank you, Marta. Our congregation has been doing something referred to as the “Truth Project”(easy to look up on the web) for about a month. It has been around for a year or two. Premise being, how ‘what we REALLY believe to be true’ has a lot to do with who we are and what we will become. So simply not knowing what is true and why its “good” to know this, may make some people either insane or manic in the first place.
BUT ALSO how do we each know what we HONESTLY believe if we medicate ourselves frequently? How can we determine responsibility for tragic things that happen if a person who committed a crime happens to be medicated (legally ) at the time? I think it is a tangled web we weave when we seek to defer and delay addressing real emotions and serious problems. For this reason, the very use of these things often frustrates truth and justice.
FOR OUR OWN GOOD God places some challenging things in our lives so that we will face ourselves and THINK not so we’ll go seek out better escapes from reality.
While my brother-in-law is a rep for Roche, I am obviously strongly against psychiatric drugs. And we do discuss these matters and he tends to agree that less is usually better. Except for life saving drugs, of course - heart meds, diabetes ect…the rest just unnecessarily messes with the liver.
appreciate your pov tho.
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Saturday, July 04, 2009
cookie
Dear Rabbi Shmuley,
I feel that you have grossly misunderstood Michael Jackson. Perhaps you don’t have the life experience to understand the depths of his pain, and that’s alright. I don’t know of anyone who has had such a difficult life as him.
“Why could you find no happiness without a painkiller?”
The painkillers did not bring happiness, they provided relief from the pain (and I’m not talking about physical pain). Trust me, when you have deep, unbearable, unremitting pain, any break, however brief, is incredibly welcome. It is not happiness, it is non-pain. Of course there are better ways to overcome pain, but this was likely the first thing he came across that worked and he stuck with it. Of course, there was the physical side of addiction as well.
“He had everything, but he acted as though he had nothing.”
I’m sorry but you are wrong. You have nothing if you don’t have love. Michael Jackson had nothing. The fact that he acted like he had nothing was a good indication that he was at least more in touch with himself than most rich people are.He may have had all the money in the world, but that’s not what he’s after and he threw it all away because it meant nothing to him. He was seeking, seeking, trying to fill a void and never quite figuring out what he was after and what he was lacking. He worked himself to death to gain his father’s love and approval - something he could never have. As such, he could never be happy.
Surrounding himself with children was perhaps one way for him to get a little love because young children love unconditionally. He says that when he looks at children, he sees the face of God. God is unconditional love. What he was seeking was unconditional love, because his whole life, love was only granted to him conditional upon his success - from his father, from his fans, and not least from those around him who only “loved” him for his money. I wonder if you had guided him to seek love from God instead.
“He reveled in feeling he was a victim.”
He was indeed a victim - of serious abuse - which he never recovered from. Later, he was victimised by the press and money-grubbers who took away every shred of his dignity and killed his spirit. Instead of trying to understand things from his perspective, you imposed your perspective on him and accused him of “reveling” in it. Can you blame him for being pissed off at you? Nobody enjoys being a victim. If he acts like a victim, that’s because he is. He has not vanquished his father’s ghosts, and no-one helped him. Perhaps you feel that he plays “poor me” once too often, but then you might not say that if you truly understood where he’s coming from.
His dysfunctional life was merely a symptom of deep emotional problems which he has never ironed out. You think you understood him, but perhaps Michael might disagree. Perhaps that’s why he pushed you away. Addicts cannot give up their drugs because it was filling a void. If you take the drugs away, what is he going to fill that void with? You did things the wrong way round. You should’ve helped him fill the void first (with God’s love), then there will be no more need for drugs and they will eventually fall away of their own accord. Instead, you asked him to give up the one thing that had helped him cope and in doing so, threaten to return him to the pain of the void. Who would want that?
All of life’s dysfunctions stem from a disconnect from God. We try to fill that void with worldly things like money, fame, success, drugs, ambition, but none of that brings lasting happiness. If you try to take away the material things without first filling the spiritual void, you will just end up substituting one addiction for another.
I only feel sad that Michael never met anyone who could help him, but then again, who could understand the depths of his pain? Ultimately, he didn’t die of drug abuse but of a broken heart.
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Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Marta Guerra
Hello,
Please consider reading Lisa Marie Presleys blog on the passing of Michael Jackson.
It addresses the issue of how much people close to Michael were capable (or best said allowed) of doing to help him.http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=42291868&blogId=497035326
Best Regards,
Marta -
Friday, July 10, 2009
THORSHAMMER
Rabbi….
What did you mean when you said:
” He was
highly imperfect and was perhaps guilty of serious, terrible sins for
which there might not be any forgiveness. But G-d, was he tortured.
And that is no excuse. Because you dare not visit your pain on an
innocent party. But did that cancel out the good he tried to inspire
in others?”there might not be any forgiveness….because you dare not visit your pain on an innocent party? I am confused as to what you are saying and who it is about…
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