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Sunday, June 28, 2009
Master of an Empty Kingdom: The Tragically Short Life of Michael Jackson
I did not expect to be as saddened by the death of Michael Jackson as
I turned out to be. Not that I am cold-hearted, but I lived in the
constant dread that his death was imminent. When I was close with
Michael, there were just too many times that he walked out of a room
with a doctor, after complaining that his foot or back or neck hurt
him, all lightheaded and woozy. There was no way that a body could
survive so regular an assault. So after begging him to give up the
poison and failing, I steeled myself against the inevitable by feeling
angry and disillusioned. Was Michael not the man who had squandered so
many blessings? Was he not the friend who, after I had invested two
years of my life into helping him rehabilitate his, treated me as if I
were a nuisance because I dared to push him to fix his shattered
existence? I would overcome my feelings of pity with a spirit of
defiance. No, I will not cry. He hadn’t earned it.
But then the news came that he had died. And I was devastated.
Especially when I saw my children’s tears. Michael was accused of
pedophilia. But my children and his children were playmates. Yes, I
made sure to supervise. But the children did not see him as a monster.
Michael brought cartoon videos for his kids and my kids to watch. We
sat in my living room on Thanksgiving laughing and joking. And the
children missed him.
Once, when my son Mendy was eight years old he accompanied Michael and
me to a kosher restaurant in Manhattan. Mendy tried to order. The
waiter focused on the adults. Mendy felt ignored. He kept on repeating
his order. Michael heard him. He interrupted the waiter. ‘Excuse me,
but this child is trying to order. Can you please listen to him?’ It
was not something you’d expect from a superstar. They were supposed to
be utterly self-absorbed, right?
And then there was the incident with my children fighting with the
children of another family on the school bus. Michael heard about it.
My eldest daughter felt bullied. Michael sprang into action. Enter the
peacemaker. He called me, and over several days he planned a peace
parley in earnest. Everything down to the name tags of the children.
No detail was too miniscule. Kids should not fight. Adults were the
corrupt ones. He wanted to see harmony among kids. And while he put
hours into planning the summit (which never went ahead because the
other family pulled out) he was supposed to be working on his album,
Invincible. No matter. It would wait. Ending altercations between
school children took precedence.
I did not think I would cry when Michael died. It was only when I went
back and listened to the many hours of taped conversations that
Michael and I conducted so that I would write a book that peered into
his soul. Hearing his voice, hearing him say, in his long drawn out
way, ‘Shmmmuuuulleeeey,’ That did it. The tears flowed. Yes, I was
angry at him. Truly. He threw away his life. He had lived recklessly
and orphaned his children. He had medicated away the afflictions of
the soul as if they were ailments of the body until his body could no
longer tolerate the abuse. He had squandered all of G-d’s blessings.
But he touched me nonetheless. He made me softer and gentler. He was
highly imperfect and was perhaps guilty of serious, terrible sins for
which there might not be any forgiveness. But G-d, was he tortured.
And that is no excuse. Because you dare not visit your pain on an
innocent party. But did that cancel out the good he tried to inspire
in others?
He used to watch me tell my children I loved them. He did not approve.
‘Shmuley, when you tell your children you luuuvve them, you have to
look in their eyes. They have to know that you mean it. You have to
focus only on them. You can’t tell them and look somewhere else.” And
ever since then, I peer in their eyes.
After we had given our lecture at Oxford together, I was waiting at
Heathrow to travel back to the US. Michael was staying on in London.
He called me on my cell phone. ‘Shmuuullleeey. Did I tell you I love
you?’ ‘Yes Michael, you’ve told me many times.’ ‘But I mean it. I love
you.’ ‘I love you too, Michael. You’re a dear friend.’ I hung up. I
thought he was too sentimental. But I left the conversation with red
eyes. How did he find it so easy to tell people he loved them?
So with all this beauty in your soul, Michael, now that you’re in
heaven, I have to ask you. Why? Why aren’t you still here? Why did you
screw up your life? Why could you find no happiness without a
painkiller? Why did you orphan those beautiful children you loved so
much? How could you promise that you would never be alone with kids
ever again, only to be arrested a second time on charges of
molestation? How could you betray what we tried so hard to build? Why?
Why?
I didn’t want to feel for him. I wanted to be angry. I never wanted to
forgive him. He had everything, but he acted as though he had nothing.
He reveled in feeling he was a victim. And even so, there was
something very special about him. A superstar who could sit so humbly
at Shabbat table and make others feel important. A very busy father
who all but refused to travel anywhere without his children. And I’m
left with forever vacillating between feelings of pity and feelings of
disappointment. Feelings of affection and feelings of fury.
And amid that storm of emotions, still I miss him. Amid the darkness
that eventually consumed him, still I remember that he once shone with
a special measure of light.
G-d, I miss you Michael. I always believed that one day we would
reconcile. That one day you would call me up and tell me that you
regretted not heeding the simple advice to get your life together.
That we would have Shabbat dinner together again and our kids would
play as friends and we would all laugh. Alas, all we have left is the
image. The dark, tragic, sad image. Of the King of Pop. The master of
an empty Kingdom.
Rest in peace, Michael. Perhaps in heaven you will find the acceptance
that you never quite found here on earth.
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is the author of the as yet unpublished
manuscript, “Inside the Soul of Michael Jackson.” http://www.shmuley.com
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Comments
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Friday, July 31, 2009
Jana
Rabbi Schmuley, This is a lovely article. I’m tired of hearing about everything that was “wrong” with MJ & so have been looking at old interviews he gave on You Tube & reading things people who actually knew him have written. I’m 45 & so grew up with his music & sometimes feel like I grew up with him, watching all his changes from afar. I’m glad he had you to call a friend. Thanks for sharing your memories, Jana.
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Friday, September 11, 2009
jesterka
Many greatings from Prag - Europe.
My thoughts on this, dear rabbi,
Spiritual advisors should be always the ones who keep most quiet about personal information intrusted to them - you called yourself MJ`s rabbi as well as friend - MJ was always most afraid of being exploited, afraid that anythig personal he shared with people could be misused - and see….
In my church - catholic - it would be unacceptable for a priest to leak information that was gained during a process of spiritual guidance of a client - even if that was a friend at the same time, even if the information was not harmfull or sensational - YOU ARE JUST SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, RABBI.
Sadly, rabbi, you are the one who is confused on this matter. You are well aware of some vices in our society - like the role the media plays in shaping - or rather disfiguring - reality, the celebrity and its substitutional role in peoples lives etc. And you are right.
BUT - you are no better than the rest of us. What you SHOULD HAVE DONE is KEEP QUIET ABOUT MJ`s PERSONAL ISSUES, that would be the only fair way to stay true to your feelings about the celebrity frenzy - and that is the way TRU CLOSE FRIENDS of MJ decided to handle his death. I have not seen Elisabeth Taylor, Diana Ross, Liza Minelli, Lisa Marie or Janet Jackson spill the beans.
You have a desire to be heard and make a name of yourself too - doing TV-shows, talking to the world via media etc. And you have no right to criticize others for wanting to be heard or acnoladged for what they do.
As a matter of fact - MJ DID NOT BECOME CELEBRITY in the same way as PARIS HILTON and her like,
HE BECAME CELEBRITY BECAUSE HE HAD THE MOST MAGICAL CHARISMA ON STAGE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN, BECAUSE HE WAS AN EXCePTIONALLY GIFTED DANCER AND SINGER, A HARD WORKER, AND HAD A VERY SWEET SPIRIT THAT COULD BE FELT IN HIS VOICE to top it all of.
That he was tastelessly exploited by media, sued hundreds of times by greedy people, deceived by almost everybody, particularly by people in his bussiness, that he was mobbed wherever he went etc. etc. - EVEN IF HE WANTED THE FAME - that does not mean that he was responsible for the nasty behaviour he had to deal with. Provoking a reaction does not make us responsible for the reaction itself - he just was able to bring out the worst in people with his uniqness - including You, rabbi - you could not resist sharing your story about this one of a kind person with the world.
MJ did not ask for the publicity about his personal matters. HE BECAME FAMOUS FOR HIS ART, his work, and that should be descussed - not his tormented soul.
One more thing. I AM APPALED BY THE WAY YOU COMMENT ON THE CRIMINAL CHARGES THAT WERE BROUGHT AGAINST MJ. HE WAS AQUITTED IN ONE OF THE MOST EXPESIVE, MOST THOROUGH CRIMINAL TRIALS IN HISTORY. Even if you knew from personal conversations with him as his spiritual advisor about some sins he commited - there is no way you disclose such things in your blog. NO WAY. How dare you write - he may have been guilty of serious crimes - it is truly disgusting and I would not trust you as a rabbi one bit after reading what you wrote.
SHAME ON YOU RABBI SHMULEY, SHAME ON YOU.Regards
Zuzana
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Friday, September 11, 2009
THORSHAMMER
I do agree with Zuzana as i still wait for a response to my question in this forum. If a book does come out from the Rabbi speaking of sins Michael jackson confessed to him (though dangerous the Rabbi did not notify others) I would be so disappointed because if there is some truth, it should have come out when Michael was alive. I for one hope this is not the case.
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Saturday, September 12, 2009
cookie
I agree with Zuzana. You call yourself a rabbi but what have you done to help Michael Jackson heal? Instead, you pronounce judgement on him like the sanctimonious fool that you are, and you call yourself his “friend”? You haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of Michael Jackson’s psyche! May I remind you, o rabbi, “Judge not lest ye be judged”?
You ain’t no rabbi, all you preach is self-promotion and self-glorification at the cost of another. That’s a self-serving vulture by any other name. After your own life is over, there’s a special place for you and Bashir and all the countless backstabbers who have hurt Michael Jackson in his life. May you be judged then with as much understanding as you used to judge Michael.
Truly, this article reveals less about Michael Jackson than it does about you. You are a shameless opportunist who would not hesitate to sell out your “friend” to get five seconds of attention for yourself. It’s a pity Michael didn’t dump you earlier.
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Saturday, September 12, 2009
cookie
“A friend cannot be considered a friend until he is tested in three occasions: 1) in time of need… 2) behind your back… and 3) after your death.“
~ Ali ibn Abi Talib -
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
krystalroz
You are unbelievable. I sent an email to you..please read it.
I thought that the bible teaches that we should not judge others. Did someone give you special rights to do that? Michael was acquitted. You are not his friend and I believe that you never were. He had a big problem with trusting the wrong people. I would bet that he would never have agreed to your recording his private conversations if he knew your intention was to publish them in a book. How dare you! Claim you are his friend then stab him in the back..After he dies. I believe that Michael must have realized that you were not his friend. Apparently too late tho.
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
cookie
Michael dumped Shmuley because Shmuley stole money from the Heal the Kids Foundation. Now he’s stealing their private conversations and making money off them too.
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
krystalroz
Seriously Cookie? Wow…but that somehow makes sense. How do you know this?
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
THORSHAMMER
to accuse the man of stealing from “Heal the Kids Foundation” thats ridiculous, give him time to respond as I have asked him also here, what he meant by the innuendoes but to accuse him of stealing from children, i am sure that would have come out, I don’t think this man steals as much as he runs his mouth in a honest way.
We all make mistakes, putting our foot in our mouth as I think he has done with his articles on Michael. To write that you predicted a friend was going to die to the world after it happens, this is the same as egotistical people wanting the world to know what they have done..leaving a name. This of course does not matter as the only person who needs to know is YOUR Creator, everyone else doesn’t matter.
I think the Rabbi’s Heart is in the right place with his books and such, though I have never read one, one can still see something that is great for the world, he is just that and he has made a mistake by putting such questionable things in his blogs. Let us see what he has to say before we throw negative bliffs at him, ay?
I am patiently still waiting.
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
krystalroz
I would like to know what cookie is basing this on. And I wonder if Shmuley reads these comments. Anyone ever been answered here?
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