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Shmuley and Rick in a Public Discussion
Shmuley and Rick in a Public Discussion
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Monday, December 07, 2009
Why Tigers Cheat
The Tiger Woods controversy forces us to revisit why men have affairs. Men do not have affairs for sex, that’s one of the great misconceptions. In fact, a majority of affairs are not even physical, they’re emotional. They take place over the internet, they involve phone calls and they are often never consummated. The real reason that men have affairs, especially men like Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and people who live in hyper competitive environments, is that they are looking for external validation. They want to feel desirable to a stranger. They often question their intrinsic value and the more people find them sexy and seductive the more special they feel.
What we forget is that those who are in areas like sports and politics, where one defeat can spell the beginning of the end and the erosion of their self esteem, live with constant insecurities. Rather than deal with all of those insecurities by having deep emotional conversations with their wives about their challenges and fears, they instead just paper over the insecurities by turning to women who make them feel special. What I’m saying is that this emerges primarily from masculine brokenness as I have charted extensively in my book, “The Broken American Male”.
You may ask if a man who feels insecure and insignificant looks to a woman to make him feel special, then why isn’t it enough for them to have their wives to make them feel special? The answer is simple: because anyone who questions whether they’re a big nobody looks at the woman dumb enough to marry them as an even bigger nobody than they are. Someone without value cannot confer value on you. So, I’m not surprised that so many women are coming out of the wood-work with someone like Tiger Woods. We always thought that he and elite sport stars like him are immune to insecurity, that they have a teflon outer shell, that they’re unshakable. It turns out that no person is. Everyone who seeks the spotlight, whether in sports, television or politics, does so to compensate for some feeling of inadequacy, as Aristotle made clear more than two millennia ago.
I hope that Tiger Woods and his wife will take this opportunity to address the deep seeded issues that cause infidelity rather than believing that it was just him being a naughty boy and that things can go back to normal. This is an opportunity for him to increase the intimacy at the center of their relationship and their marriage. I wish them all the best.
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Monday, December 07, 2009
Frum SA Wife
My husband is an orthodox jew and was(is) a sex addict for about 23 years, he has been sober from acting out since May of 2006. This a Serious Issue for the person and persons around them, Sex addiction is an diseases that can end up in death! Take a look at my blog. http://frumsexaddictswives.blogspot.com/
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Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Grizzly Bear Mom
I have no spouse, children, or billions. Nevertheless I am very happy because I am greatful for the blessing I do have. People like you desecribe are to be pitifed.
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Tuesday, December 15, 2009
nybbcards
Saw your interview about Tiger Woods and his affair on tv. So I found your webpage. You are right on with what you said about sharing your inner most thoughts and fears with another woman. I am married and had an affair for the same reasons. The man is afraid to share those thoughts with his wife because you think she doesn’t show interest in the subject when you bring it up, or if you are looking at other career choices and if your wife is apprehensive. I had an escape because the other woman built me up by listening to my dreams and fears and thus I found myself wanting her because she built up my selfesteem. When I confessed to my wife about the affair, her thoughts were I did it because of sex. She couldn’t believe it was for other reasons. Sex was involved, but like you said, the reason I could have sex with this woman was because she shared my daily fears and dreams. Was nice to hear your comments, because you hit home ! !
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Friday, December 18, 2009
Philky001
What about women who cheat? I just don’t think there is one answer for all. There are many sex blogs and podcasts written by women, that discuss among other issues, their cheating. They have many web site that they go on.
Some men for example only go to prostitutes, while others not. This is two distinct groups. One has no relationship while the other can. Depending on the circumstances.
It’s good to tackle this issue as you did though.
About the sex addiction, he doesn’t have to do that prayer at the end or hold hands, he won’t be arrested if he does not. You can stand back when they do that prayer, it’s not the end of the world. Personally I do the prayer when I am there but in your husbands case I would advise him to stand back. I am not an SA but feeling a beautiful woman’s warm and soft hand and pulse is
I can see where an SA should consider passing. I wonder what they do in SA meetings ? -
Monday, February 21, 2011
faith6
To feel desirable for a stranger? But what is a reason of this stupid thing?
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